I came across the Functional Chocolate Company’s Google ads while I was researching more on artisan chocolate. It caught my interest because they were marketing their chocolate bars as functional medicine. Each Functional Chocolate Company chocolate bar was developed specifically to target everyday health conditions such as stress, PMS, inability to sleep, lack of energy, lack of focus, menopause, and low libido.
The premise of eating chocolate for health is an intriguing one since chocolate, especially milk and white chocolate, are usually labeled as unhealthy due to its high sugar content. While I was browsing the website, I saw a lot of promising reviews of the chocolate bars and mention of clinical studies but no actual linked clinical studies. The website also came with a disclaimer: “These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent diseases.” This brings me to the question: Are these chocolate bars actually healthy or is it just a marketing ploy?
How did the Functional Chocolate Company start?
The Functional Chocolate Company is a newly-founded company. It was founded in 2022 by Nicole Smith and Chris Peruzzi. The latter is a single dad who created the first Functional Chocolate bars as a fun way to help his daughter deal with PMS symptoms and his son’s stress and anxiety issues.
What is the packaging like?
You can easily identify the brand by the flat illustrations with strong, bold colors in their packaging. I have mixed feelings regarding the illustration. On one hand, it is unique and distinguishes itself as a brand, on the other hand, the illustration feels more fitting for a corporate PowerPoint than for chocolate packaging. The lack of eyes in the illustrations of people makes it a little haunting and soulless to me. What do you think about the chocolate packaging? Let me know in the comment section below.
Also, the packaging and marketing of the Functional Chocolate Company chocolate bars emphasize the health benefits of the chocolate bars with very minimal mention of their flavors. I think this is by choice so that they can focus consumers’ attention on the health benefits, their differentiating factor. However, in my opinion, they should also market the flavors too because that is an important factor one usually considers when buying chocolate.
Which Functional Chocolate Company bars did I buy?
The following is their lineup of chocolate bars and corresponding flavors:
- Sexy Chocolate – Natural Champagne & Berry Flavor
- Carefree Chocolate – Mellow Mint Truffle Flavor
- Sleepy Chocolate – Blueberry Lavender Flavor
- Hot Chocolate – Natural Vanilla Crème Brûlée Flavor
- Energy Chocolate – Espresso Crunch Flavor
- Brainy Chocolate – Zesty Orange Flavor
- Rhythm Chocolate – Natural Ginger Snap Flavor
- Painfree Chocolate – Classic Chai Flavor
I bought all the flavors they had except for “Hot Chocolate” and “Painfree Chocolate”. Since I am in my 20s, I didn’t think I would be a good judge of whether or not the “Hot Chocolate” chocolate bar is effective in managing hot flashes. The name of the chocolate bar is misleading because a lot of people might think that it is a hot chocolate flavor, instead of vanilla creme brulee. The Painfree Chocolate is a new product and was not released yet when I made my purchase. I definitely would like to try it in the future.
The chocolate bars are all 100% plant-based, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, and non-GMO. They all contain 60% cacao and were priced at $7.89 as of the writing of this article.
Do the Functional Chocolate Company bars taste good?
In general, they are pretty good, dairy-free, plant-based bars. The inclusions really help elevate the flavor. Out of all the bars I tried, my favorite in terms of flavor was the Sexy Chocolate. It was a delightful combination of berries and dark chocolate with a hint of champagne at the end. The Rythm Chocolate’s gingersnap flavor was also really pleasant. The Carefree Chocolate had a really strong mint flavor, a little too strong in my opinion. I didn’t enjoy the Energy Chocolate’s expresso crunch flavor or the Brainy Chocolate’s zesty orange flavor. They left a terrible aftertaste in my mouth.
Do they actually work?
For the most part, they do work. Each chocolate bar contains ingredients that produce that effect in our bodies. A lot of these ingredients are supplements that you can buy in drug stores. In terms of the most effective, my favorite was the Rythm Chocolate, the one for PMS, because it instantly made my period feel less awful. In my observation, Sexy Chocolate works well on women but not men. The Sleepy Chocolate was also effective, I always fall asleep an hour after eating a piece of the bar. The Carefree chocolate helped me through a very difficult meeting at work.
Is the brand ethical?
In the FAQ section, the company stated that its dark chocolate is ethically sourced from a cooperative of small farmers in South America. While this is a good sign, it would be good to have more information on it. Is the brand fair trade? Is the brand sustainable? I think one line in the FAQ section is not enough to determine if the business is truly ethical. I would be more comfortable buying from the brand if they have a whole page on ethics and detail their efforts to ensure that the chocolate is ethical from both a fair trade and sustainability standpoint.
Would I buy this again?
In conclusion, $7.89 is pretty steep for the quantity and quality of chocolate even among artisan chocolate bars. I would not buy these chocolate bars again solely for their flavors and textures since I’ve had much better chocolates at that price range. However, I would buy some of these in the future for those nights I just cannot fall asleep and days my PMS symptoms are unbearable. Of course, everybody is different, it might work for some more than others but I think if you are curious about this, give it a try. I bought my chocolate bars directly from their website but you can also get them from Thrive Market at $23.96 for a bundle of 4 chocolate bars.
